Don't Hope -Decide

Straining to locate my friend among the passengers deplaning through the jet way, I noticed a man coming toward me carrying two light bags. He stopped right next to me to greet his family.

First he motioned to his youngest son (maybe six years old) as he laid down his bags. They gave each other a long, loving hug. As they separated enough to look in each other’s face, I heard the father say, “It’s so good to see you, son. I missed you so much!” His son smiled somewhat shyly, averted his eyes and replied softly, “Me, too, Dad!”

Then the man stood up, gazed in the eyes of his oldest son (maybe nine or ten) and while cupping his son’s face in his hands said, “You’re already quite the young man. I love you very much, Zach!” They too hugged a most loving, tender hug.

While this was happening, a baby girl (perhaps one or one-and-a-half) was squirming excitedly in her mother’s arms, never once taking her little eyes off the wonderful sight of her returning father. The man said, “Hi, baby girl!” as he gently took the child from her mother. He quickly kissed her face all over and then held her close to his chest while rocking her from side to side. The little girl instantly relaxed and simply laid her head on his shoulder, motionless in pure contentment.

After several moments, he handed his daughter to his oldest son and declared, “I’ve saved the best for last!” and proceeded to give his wife the longest, most passionate kiss I ever remember seeing. He gazed into her eyes for several seconds and then silently mouthed. “I love you so much!” They stared at each other’s eyes, beaming big smiles at one another, while holding both hands.

For an instant they reminded me of newlyweds, but I knew by the age of their kids that they couldn’t possibly be. I puzzled about it for a moment then realized how totally engrossed I was in the wonderful display of unconditional love not more than an arm’s length away from me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, as if I was invading something sacred, but was amazed to hear my own voice nervously ask, “Wow! How long have you two been married?

“Been together fourteen years total, married twelve of those.” he replied, without breaking his gaze from his lovely wife’s face. “Well then, how long have you been away?” I asked. The man finally turned and looked at me, still beaming his joyous smile. “Two whole days!”

Two days? I was stunned. By the intensity of the greeting, I had assumed he’d been gone for at least several weeks – if not months. I know my expression betrayed me.

I said almost offhandedly, hoping to end my intrusion with some semblance of grace (and to get back to searching for my friend), “I hope my marriage is still that passionate after twelve years!”

The man suddenly stopped smiling.

He looked me straight in the eye, and with forcefulness that burned right into my soul, he told me something that left me a different person. He told me, “Don’t hope, friend… decide!” Then he flashed me his wonderful smile again, shook my hand and said, “God bless!”

Life is a Gift.

Today before you think of saying an unkind word–think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food–think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife–think of someone who is crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life–think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children–think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn’t clean or sweep–think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive–think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job–think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another–remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down–put a smile on your face and thank God you’re alive and still around.

Life is a gift – Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, and Fulfill it..

Learn from Mistakes

Thomas Edison tried two thousand different materials in search of a filament for the light bulb. When none worked satisfactorily, his assistant complained, “All our work is in vain. We have learned nothing.”

Edison replied very confidently, “Oh, we have come a long way and we have learned a lot. We know that there are two thousand elements which we cannot use to make a good light bulb.

 

INCREASING YOUR SELF ESTEEM

 LIKING YOURSELF
Developing self esteem is about liking yourself and appreciating your talents, abilities and
attributes. This does not mean becoming egotistical or vain. It merely means acknowledging your good traits and qualities.
Your self concept has a great deal to do with your self esteem. If you continually tell yourself
you are a failure, a loser, a poor student or whatever terms you use to put yourself down, you are
feeding your low self esteem and creating a negative attitude. You are reinforcing what others wrongly caused you to feel about yourself. If you accept that they were wrong, or perhaps ignorant in doing this to you, why would you chose to do the same thing to yourself?

TAKING ACTION TO IMPROVE YOURSELF
Building self esteem requires action; it is not something you can wish for, purchase or borrow.
There are things you can do everyday to help build your self esteem. Here are just a few:
⇒ practice positive thinking
⇒ visualize success everyday
⇒ accept compliments and believe them
⇒ seek counseling through difficult times
⇒ identify your values
⇒ identify your goals
⇒ be honest in expressing your strengths, talents, and skills
⇒ learn from constructive criticism
⇒ write down your accomplishments everyday
⇒ give yourself credit every day
⇒ take action on ideas you believe in
⇒ nourish your physical, mental and spiritual self
⇒ forgive those who have hurt you
⇒ make time for self development every day
"It is only by taking risks everyday that we live at all."

PATTERNS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM

PATTERNS OF LOW SELF ESTEEM
Self esteem develops in childhood and forms patterns of thinking and behaving. These patterns tend to reinforce self esteem, whether low or high, and become habits. In some cases, these habits can be very destructive, causing us to feed and nurture feelings of low self esteem even when there are no reasons for it. In other words, things in our lives may have changed significantly since childhood, we may no longer be subject to the influences that contributed to our low self esteem, yet we perpetuate it by our beliefs and behaviors. We keep our self esteem low when we should be striving to raise it. How does this happen?
Low self esteem is perpetuated by our behaviors, thoughts and actions.

 Read the following list and check those items that you think contribute to your low self esteem:
___ A lack of faith, both in myself, other people and the world around me.
___ A lack of purpose or meaning in my life.
___ A lack of goals to motivate and guide me.
___ Dependence on others for a sense of importance or meaning in my life.
___ Failing to accept responsibility for my life and well-being.
___ Failing to recognize, appreciate and reward myself.
___ Adhering to false concepts and assumptions about myself.
___ Feelings of negativity toward myself and others.
___ Failing to develop my abilities and talents.
___ Comparing myself to others.
___ Feeling I have to prove myself to others.
___ Feeling a need to give in, please or agree with others to be accepted.
___ Feeling I have to prove myself to others.
___ Resisting, fretting or worrying about things I can do nothing about.
___ Not allowing myself the freedom to make mistakes and fail.
___ Not allowing myself freedom of self expression.
___ Being impatient, harsh or demanding of myself.

DEFINE WHO AM I?......

Self Esteem

Self esteem is a state of mind. It is the way you think and feel about yourself. Having high self esteem means having feelings of confidence, worthiness and positive regard for yourself. People with high self esteem feel good about themselves. They feel a sense of belonging and security. They respect themselves and appreciate others. They tend to be successful in life because they feel confident in taking on challenges and risking failure to achieve what they want. They have more energy for positive pursuits because their energy is not wasted on negative emotions, feelings of inferiority or working hard to take care of or please others at the expense of their own self-care.

Factors affecting  Self Esteem

The amount of self esteem you have depends on many factors -- how you were raised, parental attitudes, life experiences, etc. Sometimes people lose self esteem and feel bad about themselves because of failures or disappointments in life, or because of the way others in their lives have treated them. It is important to know that self-esteem can be gained at any time in life. Ideally, it happens in childhood; realistically, most people have to cultivate it later in life.

Why develop Self Esteem?The rewards of developing self esteem include being able to take risks, having positive relationships, not being held back by fears and insecurities, pursuing your dreams and desires, making good choices and reaching your goals.

WHAT CAUSES LOW SELF ESTEEM?It is believed that low self esteem is caused, in part, by negative emotional responses.Criticism, teasing, punishment and abuse, poverty, economic deprivation, failure in school and many other factors affect our feelings of self-worth. Even race, religion, the media, culture and sex have an influence on how we feel about ourselves.
When negative thoughts and feelings take root early in life, they can become powerful thought patterns that form habits of thinking. Before long, we begin to think in ways that limit our growth and self-development. We begin to doubt ourselves and feel dissatisfied. We become afraid to accept challenges and feel unworthy, even when we do accomplish important things. The deeper these thought patterns take root, the lower our self esteem falls, until we cannot envision what it is like to feel good about ourselves.

Safety Tips for children on Child Sexual Abuse

Safety Tips for Children

1. Teach your children what touches are good and what touches are bad. Discuss the fact that touches may be confusing at times, and they may not be sure if the touches are good or bad. Give them examples of good touch and bad touch.  
2. Teach children the proper names of body parts. Just as you teach your children that a nose is a nose, they need to know what to call their genitals. This knowledge gives children correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions that need to be asked, and for telling about sexual abuse.
3. Problem-solving games, story telling, and role playing are ways to talk to Children.
4. Teach your child about private parts of the body (parts covered by a bathing suit).
5. Use coloring books or reading books with examples. Give simple, easy-to-understand answers to questions about sex. Play the "What if…?" game. Ask your child what she would do in certain situations.
6. At a minimum, children should be taught to say no, to run away and tell a trusted adult, and to keep telling until someone helps them. Discuss with them whom they can trust.
7. Teach your children that their bodies are their own. That it is OK to say they do not want a hug or that certain kinds of contact make them uncomfortable.
8. Do not instruct children to give relatives hugs and kisses. Let them express affection on their own terms. This will help them use their instincts and set boundaries.
9. Instruct your child to never get into a car with anyone without your permission.
10. It is important to remember that physical force is often not necessary to engage a child in sexual activity. Children are trusting and dependent and will often do what is asked of them to gain approval and love. 
11. Listen when your child tries to tell you something, especially when it seems hard for him/her to talk about it. Make sure your child knows it's OK to tell you about any attempt to molest him or touch him/her in a way that made him/her feel uncomfortable, no matter who the abuser may be.
12. Let him know he/she can trust you and that you will not be angry with him/her if he/she tells you. 
13. Know the adults and children with whom your child is spending time.
14. Be careful about allowing your child to spend time alone or in out-of-the-way places with other adults or older children.
15. Make visits to your child's caretaker without notice. Ask your child about his/her time spent with the caretaker.
16. Children who are isolated from parents and other family members tend to be most vulnerable to sexual abuse. As well, perpetrators have a tendency to target children who appear secluded or lonely.

Prevention Steps

How to talk with your child about Sexual Abuse?

1. Children as young as four years old can understand the basic concepts of good touches, bad touches and confusing touches. Use the words "sexual abuse" when talking with your child because if a child is victimized, they need to be able to tell you that they were "sexually abused!"
2. Teaching your child about sexual abuse further empowers your child to participate in his/her own body safety! 
3. Children need to hear information more than once. Discuss the information with them in bits
4. Good communication between you and your children is the most important way to keep them safe from sexual  abuse. A trusting and loving relationship creates a climate in which children are not afraid to confide in  their parents.
5. Talk to your children every day and take time to listen and observe. Learn as many details as possible about your children's activities and feelings. Encourage them to share their concerns. 
6. Explain to your children they have the right to say NO to anyone who might try to touch them.
7. Tell your children that some adults may try to hurt them or make them do things they do not feel comfortable doing. Often these adults tell children to keep what they are doing a secret.
8. Explain that some adults may even threaten children by saying their parents will be hurt.  If the children ever tell the secret. Emphasize that an adult who does this is wrong and that they should tell. 
9. Tell your children that some adults they know, trust, and love (such as a friend, a relative, or a teacher) might try to touch them inappropriately.
10. Try not to scare your children.
11. Emphasize that most adults never do this and are deeply concerned about protecting children from harm.

Child Sexual Abuse contd..

Children who have been sexually abused suffer severe trauma or damages, which can be physical, mental, emotional or psychological. The trauma may last a lifetime if the process of healing does not take place. Sexually transmitted disease or HIV or pregnancy at an early age can be some of the disastrous outcomes of child sexual abuse.

With the family support system getting destroyed, the child can face social isolation and social stigmatisation. Very often, the child is blamed for being sexually exploited- for “affecting the honour of the family”. The child is made to feel guilty for what happened and a deep sense of worthlessness develops. Often when the abuser is the father or the breadwinner of the family, the child is pressurized by the mother or the family to keep quiet, and is instead blamed or accused of lying. All these are part of denial process. Children may also feel powerless, angry, frightened and lonely. Depression, isolation and self-destructiveness are also some of the short and long term impacts of sexual abuse.

Things to Do when Child is Abused Sexually

1. Believe the child. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse.
2. Commend the child for telling you about the experience.
3. Assure the child that you will protect him or her.
4. Convey your support for the child. A child's greatest fear is that they are at fault and responsible for the incident. Alleviating this self-blame is of paramount importance.
5. Temper your own reaction. Your greatest challenge is not to convey your horror, anger or any hysteria about the abuse. Over reactions make children wish they hadn't told Tell your child that you will work with him/her regarding his/her feelings about the incident. Seek professional help if you feel ill equipped to do this.
6. Do not take any steps against the abuser without first informing your child about them and seeing how he/she feels about them. This will depend on the age of the child involved.
7. Do not begin to impose restrictions on your child as a result of the abuse i.e. not going out anymore etc. These will make the child feel that she/he is being punished for something that was not their fault.
8. Without trivializing your child's experience let him/her know that lots of children are sexually abused and that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Child Sexual Abuse/Exploitation

Today's children and youth have become very vulnerable to Abuse both physically, sexually. Theionships, building trust children/youth when they grow up suffer from personality problems or psychological problems and face difficulty in building and maintaining relationship.

 

 Child sexual abuse is defined as the physical or mental violation of a child with sexual intent, usually by an older person, who is in some position of power and/or trust vis-à-vis the child.

The term child sexual exploitation covers:

1. The silent, hidden, sexual abuse that the children  (both boys and girls) face at home or outside, usually   in the hands of trusted adults
2. The organised trafficking (buying/selling) of children  into prostitution involving a complicated network of  procurers, brothel keepers, pimps.

Who are the abused?

Any child (any person under 18 years) can be abused. The economic/social/educational background of the child’s family is not a factor that impacts on child abuse.  Both male and female children are sexually abused. Girls however are abused more frequently and over a longer period of time. At least two out of four girls and one out of six boys are victims of sexual abuse.

Who are the abusers?

A child may be abused by his/her father, uncle, grandparents, cousins, older siblings, friends of the family, neighbours, teacher, employer- in fact any trusted adult who has access to the child. Though both men and women can sexually abuse a child, most abusers are male.

Child Sexual Abuse- Warning Signs

1. Children who are too frightened to talk about sexual abuse may exhibit a variety of physical and behavioural signals.
2. Changes in behaviour such as withdrawal,  fearfulness, crying without provocation
3.  Appetite disturbances
4.  Recurrent nightmares, disturbed sleep patterns, fear of the dark
5.  Regression to more infantile behaviour such as  bedwetting, thumb sucking, or excessive crying. 
6. Torn or stained underclothing Vaginal or rectal bleeding, pain, itching, swollen genitals, vaginal discharge, or sexually transmitted diseases. 
7. Unusual interest in or knowledge of sexual matters, expressing affection in ways inappropriate for a child of that age.
8. Fear of a person or an intense dislike at being left   somewhere or with someone 
9. Other behavioural signals such as aggressive or disruptive behaviour, running away, failing in school, or delinquent behaviour.